Separation Shield: An Open Letter to our Customers

Dear Valued Customer,

Stay-Feart! - The hi-tech "Separation Shield© ® ™

Tired of dealing with unwanted convincing arguments in favour of Independence?

Fed up with the carping of Common Weal backers, the whining of Wings Over Scotland sympathisers and the nattish nonsense of Newsnet Scotland?

Then the Scaremonger has the perfect solution for your home or business: Separation-Shield © ® ™. In the vanguard of nat-busting technology, our Separation-Shield © ® ™ will turn you (or, for our MSM clients, your viewers/readers) from a scaredy cat

into a cool cat.

Only small minded separatists and weak, undecided voters need suffer the continued psychological trauma of reading cogent, thoughtful contributions about a bright future for Scotland as a normal, independent country. Your preconceived notions about the mysterious yet self-evident certainties of Union are safeguarded. You will be fully protected by Separation-Shield © ® ™ as it quietly and efficiently expurgates the dangerous YES+ thought-virus.

By expertly filtering out all pro-separatist comment those anti-unionist blues will be banished forever. You can rest assured that all you will ever see or hear on the internet, be it in media platforms or in your email inbox, is pure, unadulterated, Westminster approved vacuity, as delivered by respected, captivating public speakers such as Alistair 'D-List' Darling or Gordon 'Zzzzz list' Brown.

Embrace Enervation, Snuggle up to Stagnation, Reject Reason. Our Separation-Shield © ® ™ is available now. Get it before it's too late!!

Yours in fear,

The Scaremonger

Currency Converter

An end to currency confusion!

Currency conversion made quick and easy!

The new "Anglo-Scot" currency converter from the Scottish Scaremonger Home and Office range makes calculating conversion rates from Scottish to rUk currency easy.

Simply input the amount of Scottish currency into the "Anglo-Scot" converter and by utilising our unique state of the art, patent-pending, "torytech" based solution the amount in rUK pounds sterling is displayed - instantly!

Example:  Input the required amount for conversion e.g. £20.00 (Scottish) and press the "convert me" button. The rUK conversion is instantly displayed £20.00.

The "Anglo-Scott" Currency Converter is available in Desk, Pocket and Credit Card size models  and also as an "app" for your smart phone or tablet.


Price: to be confirmed

2014 Desk Calendar - cancelled

Please note that the special edition 2014 "Page-a-Day" Desk Calendar has had to be cancelled.

The Calendar was to have featured a positive argument for the Union on each page but unfortunately the writing team failed to get beyond the first week of January.

We are hoping to substitute a commemorative first day cover postage stamp but are awaiting further copy for the reverse of the stamp before proceeding.

Dissonance Meter

Confirm confusing dissonance instantly  with the Scaremonger Media Dissonance Meter

The Media Dissonance Meter is an essential desktop companion for anyone reading modern newspapers.  Using the latest technology this clever hand held device can instantly alert the reader to reports where the headline and story say contradictory things.

Just scan the page using the Media Dissonance Meter and the LCD display will  show the level of dissonance.  Extensive testing has shown exposure to high levels of dissonance can adversely affect understanding and judgement leaving readers confused and liable to catastrophic misapprehension.

Demand for the Media Dissonance Meter is certain to be high so register your interest today and we'll contact you as soon as stocks are available.

Price : TBC

Dearie Me! (The search for Scotland's Black Hole)

Join us at the launch of the latest book under the "Scottish Scaremonger" imprint;

Dearie Me! ( The search for Scotland's Black Hole )

Fictional author M. Hamish Glen will be available to sign copies of his latest book which traces the history of thevsearch for Scotland's legendary fiscal black hole.

The full story of the development of the Large Haud-On Colluder is explored as successive Westminster governments and Scottish Secretaries laboured against all the odds to prove the existence of the Twigs Bunkum Particle.

All the drama of the search for the Twigs Bunkum Particle is captured as time and again the discovery of a Black Hole was announced only for the  "breakthrough" to be debunked within hours.

Although the search continues to this day despite increasing evidence that there is actually no black hole at all  Dearie Me! ( The search for Scotland's Black Hole ) is an invaluable companion for all students of one of Scotland's most enduring myths.

Book launch date : TBC

The Scaremonger Phrase Book

Essential for any traveller to Spain the Scaremonger "BT"  Spanish-English phrase book will ensure that misunderstandings are kept to a minimum. With a special emphasis on common political topics it's an essential volume for parliamentarians and spin doctors.

Common phrases translated include;

Hay no problemo = That's not possible

Vamos a hablar de ello = Negotiations will take years

Mandato democratico =  SNP dictatorship

Vuelva usted manana y le daremos mermalada = We will deliver a package of new powers.

Esta es la respuesta que buscas = That's just not credible!

Saludos desde junkie subsidio Escocia. ¿Nos puede ayudar a permanecer de esa manera? = The Conservatives have not asked the Spanish Government to undermine the independence campaign

El gobierno español va a respetar el resultado del referéndum acordado = Spain will veto Scotland's entry to the EU

And many, many more!

Future editions include;
Irish English - BBC Newscast Abbreviated English
Non Specific EU - Definitive EU Negative

The Scaremonger Post Indy Shopping Bag

 The Scaremonger Lifetime Shopping Bag!

Worried about soaring food costs after Independence?

Unsure how to get your precious foods home safely?

The Scaremonger Lifetime Shopping Bag is a sturdy reusable shopping bag
specially designed for use in the apocalyptic post independence shopping environment

Tough construction - will withstand turnip and potato abrasion easily
Strong "torytech" handles - super grip to prevent "beggar grabbing incidents
Smart special porridge and cabbage pockets keep these expensive luxuries safe
Practical* a built in calculator and converter lets you see how much prices have risen since independence
Fashionable available in a wide range of colours including grey, brown and off-cream
Personal your bag can be customised with a range of slogans such as;
"Don't blame me I voted No" and "Not a Daily Mail reader - honestly!"

We expect a big rush for these exclusive bags so order today!



*requires 12 hours exposure to sunlight to charge.