Sunday, 10 March 2019

New from the Scaremonger Home Collection....

The "Theresa May speaking clock"

Push the button on the "Theresa May speaking clock" and you'll hear the strong and stable tones of the Prime Minister provide a real-time update from the home of time itself, Westminster, in the heart of London.

This new stylish clock from the Scaremonger Home Collection is sure to appeal to anyone with an interest in horological innovation and the latest digital technology.

The "Theresa May speaking clock" will not be available in any shops but you can pre-order it now in our online store.

Monday, 2 July 2018

Dark Clouds Ahead - Coming Soon

Coming soon from Scaremonger Books

A new collection from Scotland's foremost political and economic soothsayer. An antidote to the baseless optimism of the proponents of independence Gordon Browns insights illuminate the desperate future facing Scotland if it chooses to leave "the most successful political union in history".

Register now for the opportunity to pre-order an advance extract from this forthcoming Bargain Books slow seller.

Saturday, 16 June 2018

The Gordon Brown Alarm Clock

Traditionally styled and with an enduring character redolent of another age the "Gordon Brown" alarm clock from the new Scaremonger Home range will appeal to anyone who worries about missing important "brownouncements".

Unique features of the "Brown" model include;

  • Pre-set annual alarm for "Brown Day"
  • Available in "Faded Red", "Moody Blue" and "Doomsday Grey"
  • Nuclear tipped glow-in-the-dark hands
  • Permanently set at 3 minutes to midnight
  • Clever unhinged rear panel for easy access
  • Classic unbalanced bells for unmissable discordant alerts
  • Multiple easy to change faces
Pre-orders for this stylish piece will be delivered in time for next "Brown Day" 

Faded Blue

Doomsday Grey

Thursday, 14 June 2018

Now in Stock for 2018

Introducing the latest *Sewel Approved All Purpose "Power Grab"

Don't miss out on this amazing new product from the Scaremonger. 

Just apply as required, wait for a maximum of 15 minutes and your power hold is secure.

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Forth Bridge Shock Announcement



The Scottish Government have finally admitted that the new Forth Crossing will be delayed by up to six months but only the Scottish Scaremonger is prepared to reveal the real reasons for the delay.

Our research has proven beyond doubt that far from being intended to create a vital link between the deprived communities of Fife and the vibrant cultural and economic heartland of North Britain in the Lothians the Scottish Government is secretly planning to extend the bridge for a further 410 miles and create a direct link between Scotland and France in the event of a Leave vote in the #EUref this month.

In the event of a #Brexit vote on the 23rd June the Scottish Government intend to give the green light to an ambitious plan to circumvent the consequences of a Leave vote and keep Scotland connected directly with the heart of the world's largest trading block.

As a high level motorway with no exits the new extended crossing will enable Scots to drive directly from North Queensferry to Calais for the first time. 

The extended Queensferry Crossing would also be renamed to reflect it's new role but a Scottish Government source denied that the First Minister had suggested Bridgey McBridgeFace as a possibility.

Sunday, 8 May 2016

Pubic Relations Triumph!

Scare Scotland Associates
Public Affairs Consultants
- Case Study - Ruth Davidson Party 

Our new Public affairs and public relations arm "Scare Scotland Associates" has registered it's first big score with a successful strategy which has turned the public perception of the Leader of the one of the country's minor political parties, the Ruth Davidson Party, into page 4 news across a wide range of media outlets.

Our experienced team developed a multi-faceted campaign which created a laser like focus on the key policy elements of the Ruth Davidson Party which were preventing it being taken seriously as an intellectual or political force and removed them from public debate.

Stage One:
Creating a public engagement strategy which was both vibrant and vacuous, colourful yet incoherent was one that our team tackled head on.  We identified that the public saw the current Ruth Davidson Party members as pointless crackpots, weird, dangerous and downright nasty so our decision was to ensure that as few of them as possible were seen or heard. Once we had neutralised the madder elements of the party we moved on to...

Stage Two:
Far more challenging in the modern media environment was taking the only part of the Ruth Davidson Party which was viewed by the public as laughable rather grotesquely vindictive and use that to recalibrate the public perception.  With the help of our well placed media contacts we were able to recast our clients as the stupid party. A series of ridiculous photo-ops was organised and received massive unquestioned exposure across the mainstream print and broadcast media which resulted in...

Stage Three:
By casting the Ruth Davidson Party as a "not-a-government, policy-lite, anti-indyref-till-we-die, we-love-the-colour-orange, David-Cameron?-never-heard-of him", Great-British-Bake-Off" party we were successful in persuading less than a quarter of the voters to support them at the polls. This allowed implementation of...

Stage Five:
Perhaps the most audacious move but possible because of the uncritical support of the nations worst papers the Ruth Davidson Party could claim a "mandate" and make "demands" which even though they would be ridiculed and ignored by the actual winners of the election would give the appearance of political success.

Stage Six:
Our invoice is submitted for payment.

Thursday, 31 March 2016

Scottish Labour Policy Machine

The Scottish Labour Policy Machine

A rare glimpse inside the heart of Scottish Labour's policy department where the daily task of selecting the tax policy of the leader ahead of the 2016 Holyrood election has been modernised with the introduction of the latest technology.