Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Foulkes for Men - Gentleman's Grooming Products

The debonair man-about-town, the sophisticated culture vulture, the intellectual firebrand and the  epicurean merchant of bonhomie all share a secret. A secret weapon that provides the patina of success;

Foulkes for Men

Yes, Foulkes for Men is our new and exclusive male grooming range.  A distillation of  years of experience, served up for the benefit of the Scaremongers loyal and discerning clientele you can order Foulkes for Men products now.

Range includes;
"Face Protector" (contains essence of bucolic)
"Hair Gel" (holds that fashionable, tousled look all day long)

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Arriving Tomorrow!

We are delighted to announce that we anticipate receiving a delivery of  our special own-label jam tomorrow. Unfortunately we are unable to confirm which variety of jam will be delivered but we can assure all our regular customers that it will be their favourite flavour.

Save the day for your diary!

Jam tomorrow.

Monday, 1 April 2013

April Fuel Special Offer

Special Offer from Union Oil & Gas

A limited quantity of our extra-special North Sea oil is unexpectedly available to purchase. Union North Sea oil has a number of unique properties which make it an unmissable  opportunity. Union oil is  extracted in "barely-there" condition from below the waters of the North Sea and arrives on shore  in Scotland as virtually worthless sludge.  The local people actually pay us to take it off their hands!  Union Oil & Gas take this pointless material and apply our secret industrial process* (patent pending)  transforming it into valuable crude oil - just like that extracted in  countries like Norway, Venezuela or the Middle east. Union can then sell the oil on the open market and make a substantial profit on our investment of £0.00.

This is an amazing investment which has been returning substantial profits for over 40 years so be sure to apply today!*

*during our process the "Scottish oil" is renamed as "UK oil" ...that's it.
* investment applicants must not be resident in the following countries : Scotland, Alba, Caledonia