Tuesday, 31 December 2013

2014 Desk Calendar - cancelled

Please note that the special edition 2014 "Page-a-Day" Desk Calendar has had to be cancelled.

The Calendar was to have featured a positive argument for the Union on each page but unfortunately the writing team failed to get beyond the first week of January.

We are hoping to substitute a commemorative first day cover postage stamp but are awaiting further copy for the reverse of the stamp before proceeding.

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Dissonance Meter

Confirm confusing dissonance instantly  with the Scaremonger Media Dissonance Meter
The Media Dissonance Meter is an essential desktop companion for anyone reading modern newspapers.  Using the latest technology this clever hand held device can instantly alert the reader to reports where the headline and story say contradictory things.
Just scan the page using the Media Dissonance Meter and the LCD display will  show the level of dissonance.  Extensive testing has shown exposure to high levels of dissonance can adversely affect understanding and judgement leaving readers confused and liable to catastrophic misapprehension.
Demand for the Media Dissonance Meter is certain to be high so register your interest today and we'll contact you as soon as stocks are available.
Price : TBC

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Dearie Me! (The search for Scotland's Black Hole)

Join us at the launch of the latest book under the "Scottish Scaremonger" imprint;

Dearie Me! ( The search for Scotland's Black Hole )

Fictional author M. Hamish Glen will be available to sign copies of his latest book which traces the history of thevsearch for Scotland's legendary fiscal black hole.

The full story of the development of the Large Haud-On Colluder is explored as successive Westminster governments and Scottish Secretaries laboured against all the odds to prove the existence of the Twigs Bunkum Particle.

All the drama of the search for the Twigs Bunkum Particle is captured as time and again the discovery of a Black Hole was announced only for the  "breakthrough" to be debunked within hours.

Although the search continues to this day despite increasing evidence that there is actually no black hole at all  Dearie Me! ( The search for Scotland's Black Hole ) is an invaluable companion for all students of one of Scotland's most enduring myths.

Book launch date : TBC

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

The Scaremonger Phrase Book

Essential for any traveller to Spain the Scaremonger "BT"  Spanish-English phrase book will ensure that misunderstandings are kept to a minimum. With a special emphasis on common political topics it's an essential volume for parliamentarians and spin doctors.
Common phrases translated include;
Hay no problemo = That's not possible
Vamos a hablar de ello = Negotiations will take years
Mandato democratico =  SNP dictatorship
Vuelva usted manana y le daremos mermalada = We will deliver a package of new powers.
Esta es la respuesta que buscas = That's just not credible!
Saludos desde junkie subsidio Escocia. ¿Nos puede ayudar a permanecer de esa manera? = The Conservatives have not asked the Spanish Government to undermine the independence campaign
El gobierno español va a respetar el resultado del referéndum acordado = Spain will veto Scotland's entry to the EU
And many, many more!
Future editions include;
Irish English - BBC Newscast Abbreviated English
Non Specific EU - Definitive EU Negative

Monday, 9 December 2013

The Scaremonger Post Indy Shopping Bag

 The Scaremonger Lifetime Shopping Bag!

Worried about soaring food costs after Independence?

Unsure how to get your precious foods home safely?

The Scaremonger Lifetime Shopping Bag is a sturdy reusable shopping bag
specially designed for use in the apocalyptic post independence shopping environment

Tough construction - will withstand turnip and potato abrasion easily
Strong "torytech" handles - super grip to prevent "beggar grabbing incidents
Smart special porridge and cabbage pockets keep these expensive luxuries safe
Practical* a built in calculator and converter lets you see how much prices have risen since independence
Fashionable available in a wide range of colours including grey, brown and off-cream
Personal your bag can be customised with a range of slogans such as;
"Don't blame me I voted No" and "Not a Daily Mail reader - honestly!"

We expect a big rush for these exclusive bags so order today!

*requires 12 hours exposure to sunlight to charge.

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

The Cameron Buchan Accent Regulator

The Cameron Buchan Accent Regulator

Worried that your inauthentically Scots accent may be holding you back?

Concerned that you are too easily mistaken for an unwelcome continental?

Now you too can have a Scottish accent - at the touch of a button!

Using patent-pending torytech innovation the Cameron Buchan Accent Regulator can transform your mangled foreign pronunciations into authentic and Better Together approved patriotic Scots tongue.

Real Scots need a Reel accent!

Choose from;
Glasgow "parliamo"
Edinburgh "Brodie" or "Begbie"
Border "Reiver"
Hint of Gaelic
Northern Isles basic Up Helly Aa
Invernessian "Fesh Sapper"
Dundonian "peh"
Fife "Methil-ated Spirit"

and many more!

The Cameron Buchan Accent regulator is cleverly concealed within a traditionally styled and typically Scottish bushy moustache (just like Paw Broon) so that you can mingle in any business or social setting with complete confidence. The device is available in three patriotically Scottish colours as well, Sullen Broon, Ginger Nut and RedWhiteandBlue!

Order today and get the Darling Filthy Groat Detector half price!