Friday, 29 August 2014

The "Murphy" Tin Ear

The "Murphy" Tin Ear

Perfect for open air meetings, the "Tin Ear" utilises the latest  "torytech"  advanced software to ensure that the wearer can only hear approved or "safe" questions.

Compatible with existing "Brass Neck"  subscriptions.

Limited stock

Monday, 25 August 2014

"BellyFire" - Brain Fuel for Scary Speakers

A recipe as old as fear itself.

If you have a idea that's hard to defend.
If the facts leave you on a "sticky wicket".
If the sight and sound of you speaking makes listeners and watchers worry about your health.
If even your friends find it hard to say nice things about you.
If you just need help.

"BellyFire"  is a Highland themed liquor which guarantees you have plenty of the sparky verbal aggression and deflective shoutiness  which ensures that reasoned argument will never be required.

A secret handed down from generation to generation the recipe for "BellyFire" is kept safely under lock and key in a Highland  "But 'n Ben" styled safety deposit box in London.

Distilled from pure hogwash, local - just like Scottish - authentic tap water, and refined British schmaltz "BellyFire" gives even the most lacklustre speaker the power to dissemble for Britain!

100% unnatural flavourings provide the unique flavours of "BellyFire". Rare herbs and aromatic plants  are sourced from across the wastelands of Scotland for use in the secret "BellyFire" process.
Traditional herbs and little known plants such as Dog Whistle,  Snakeshead, Blue Weed, Nodding Thistles, Slippery Elm, Donkey Ear, Devils Eyebrows, Brassy Farthing and Slippery Nothing are carefully gathered by our bused in paid volunteers and the extracts carefully utilised to provide the distinctive flavours of "BellyFire".

Exclusive - "BellyFire"  Highland themed liquor is available only from the Scottish Scaremonger.

Limited stock - order today to avoid disappointment.

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Health and Fitness Special Offer - Run On The Bank!


With so much talk of economic meltdown and currency crisis after a Yes vote you won't want to miss the opportunity to combine keeping fit with securing the pound in your pocket.

These exclusive "Run On The Bank" cross trainers will help you step up to the challenge of keeping your precious pounds safe and staying healthy.

A stylish "I'm alright (Union) Jack" design will get you noticed by the frantic crowds at the cash machine while you make off briskly with your valuable pounds.

Order your exclusive Scaremonger "Run On The Bank" trainers today and get a head start!

Friday, 1 August 2014

Commonwealth Games Special

Scary Sports Day

A Scaremonger day out for all the family
Special independence referendum themed sporting events
Great prizes on offer 

Planned events include;

  • The Rory Stewart 75 mile wall walk 
  • Asymmetrical Power Bars
  • Straw Man Challenge
  • The Jam Tomorrow Steeplechase (obstacles sponsored by the House of Lords)
  • Slippery Lipstick on a Pig Wrestling
  • Insurmountable Hurdles 
  • Mud Slinging
  • 20m Leap in the Dark
  • 100m Dash for Shale Gas
  • 4x100m Rely on subsidies from England
Sign up today and claim a special "twin-face" saltire/union flag t-shirt.