Wednesday, 17 September 2014

A Rogues Gallery of Yes Yobs

The Scaremonger Rogues Gallery

Noam Chomsky and Joseph Stiglitz - Dialectical intimidation of John Reid who then refused to put up a No poster in his house.Shameful thuggery.

Patrick Harvie - raised his voice briefly in a debate about organic farming and independence, upsetting Nigel Farage who was watching in his local and, in shock, had to be helped home. 

Other Green Party activists - stirring yoghurts too loudly outside home of Jim Murphy, Surely this kind of unruly behaviour is a police matter?

John Swinney - even hard-bitten Deutsche Bank executives were close to tears at hard-man Swinney's vicious balancing of the Scottish budget. 

Pat Kane -  With his reckless overuse of multi-syllabic word play street fighter Kane has been bludgeoning a succession of proud patriots inside and outside TV studios across the land.

Elaine C Smith - Paid up member of the nationalist Thespian Taliban Smith has been terrorising unsuspecting audiences on stage and screen with her theatrical propaganda. No wonder union loving actors are cowering in their green rooms afraid to step into the limelight.

Monday, 15 September 2014

Brain Drain Shock!

Stop Press! - Exclusive!

Scotland's gutters will be relocated south of the border in the event of a Yes vote on Thursday revealed the pro-union "Let's Be Frightened" campaign group. 

A spokesman for "Let's Be Frightened" told the Scaremonger that as the gutters were mainly used by the London based media, pro-union campaigners based in London and the Westminster political parties it was only sensible that they be relocated in the event of a Yes vote.

"This is not scaremongering but a sensible reaction to the pathological authoritarianism of Pol Pot wannabe Alex Salmond and his cybernat army of SNP shock-troops who have plans to round up everyone and make them eat out-of-date Stornoway Black Pudding and drink pond water." said the spokesman.

No one from the Yes campaign was asked to comment so it must be true.

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

The "No-Plan" Seven Day Diet

The “No-Plan” one week diet of scares

A seven day scaremonger plan that will have the pounds falling away!

1.       Come Clean Alex!  No soap in indy-Scotland say experts.  With no indigenous large scale soap industry cottage craft soap makers will be unable to meet demand after border controls imposed.

2.       Tolled Off! – John Swinney has a secret plan to re-impose bridge tolls on Forth and Tay after a Yes vote to punish Gordon Brown.

3.       Rock Bottom! – Salmond distraught as Kylie fails to join Yes campaign.

4.       Call Me Paddy! -  Green leader Patrick Harvie promises brown rice will replace chips as Scots staple after Yes.

5.       Cuffing Hell! – Shock for Scots coppers as it is revealed that their handcuffs rely on “English” keys.

6.       Hopping Mad! – Patriotic Kent farmers will refuse to sell to Scots brewers if “crazy” Salmond gets currency union.   

7.       Tipping Point! – British scientists believe that Scotland will be drained of water as weight of economic refugees to England causes geological shift.