Stop Press! - Exclusive!
Scotland's gutters will be relocated south of the border in the event of a Yes vote on Thursday revealed the pro-union "Let's Be Frightened" campaign group.
A spokesman for "Let's Be Frightened" told the Scaremonger that as the gutters were mainly used by the London based media, pro-union campaigners based in London and the Westminster political parties it was only sensible that they be relocated in the event of a Yes vote.
"This is not scaremongering but a sensible reaction to the pathological authoritarianism of Pol Pot wannabe Alex Salmond and his cybernat army of SNP shock-troops who have plans to round up everyone and make them eat out-of-date Stornoway Black Pudding and drink pond water." said the spokesman.
No one from the Yes campaign was asked to comment so it must be true.