The “No-Plan” one week diet of scares
A seven day scaremonger plan that will have the pounds falling away!
1. Come Clean Alex! No soap in indy-Scotland say experts. With no indigenous large scale soap industry cottage craft soap makers will be unable to meet demand after border controls imposed.
2. Tolled Off! – John Swinney has a secret plan to re-impose bridge tolls on Forth and Tay after a Yes vote to punish Gordon Brown.
3. Rock Bottom! – Salmond distraught as Kylie fails to join Yes campaign.
4. Call Me Paddy! - Green leader Patrick Harvie promises brown rice will replace chips as Scots staple after Yes.
5. Cuffing Hell! – Shock for Scots coppers as it is revealed that their handcuffs rely on “English” keys.
6. Hopping Mad! – Patriotic Kent farmers will refuse to sell to Scots brewers if “crazy” Salmond gets currency union.
7. Tipping Point! – British scientists believe that Scotland will be drained of water as weight of economic refugees to England causes geological shift.