The "No-Plan" Seven Day Diet

The “No-Plan” one week diet of scares

A seven day scaremonger plan that will have the pounds falling away!

1.       Come Clean Alex!  No soap in indy-Scotland say experts.  With no indigenous large scale soap industry cottage craft soap makers will be unable to meet demand after border controls imposed.

2.       Tolled Off! – John Swinney has a secret plan to re-impose bridge tolls on Forth and Tay after a Yes vote to punish Gordon Brown.

3.       Rock Bottom! – Salmond distraught as Kylie fails to join Yes campaign.

4.       Call Me Paddy! -  Green leader Patrick Harvie promises brown rice will replace chips as Scots staple after Yes.

5.       Cuffing Hell! – Shock for Scots coppers as it is revealed that their handcuffs rely on “English” keys.

6.       Hopping Mad! – Patriotic Kent farmers will refuse to sell to Scots brewers if “crazy” Salmond gets currency union.   

7.       Tipping Point! – British scientists believe that Scotland will be drained of water as weight of economic refugees to England causes geological shift.