Separation Shield: An Open Letter to our Customers

Dear Valued Customer,

Stay-Feart! - The hi-tech "Separation Shield© ® ™

Tired of dealing with unwanted convincing arguments in favour of Independence?

Fed up with the carping of Common Weal backers, the whining of Wings Over Scotland sympathisers and the nattish nonsense of Newsnet Scotland?

Then the Scaremonger has the perfect solution for your home or business: Separation-Shield © ® ™. In the vanguard of nat-busting technology, our Separation-Shield © ® ™ will turn you (or, for our MSM clients, your viewers/readers) from a scaredy cat

into a cool cat.

Only small minded separatists and weak, undecided voters need suffer the continued psychological trauma of reading cogent, thoughtful contributions about a bright future for Scotland as a normal, independent country. Your preconceived notions about the mysterious yet self-evident certainties of Union are safeguarded. You will be fully protected by Separation-Shield © ® ™ as it quietly and efficiently expurgates the dangerous YES+ thought-virus.

By expertly filtering out all pro-separatist comment those anti-unionist blues will be banished forever. You can rest assured that all you will ever see or hear on the internet, be it in media platforms or in your email inbox, is pure, unadulterated, Westminster approved vacuity, as delivered by respected, captivating public speakers such as Alistair 'D-List' Darling or Gordon 'Zzzzz list' Brown.

Embrace Enervation, Snuggle up to Stagnation, Reject Reason. Our Separation-Shield © ® ™ is available now. Get it before it's too late!!

Yours in fear,

The Scaremonger