Sunday, 20 April 2014

The "Lord George" Gentleman's Overcoat


A coat for all seasons

A coat for the sophisticated "man-about-town"

A coat for the glamourous international traveller

The "Lord George" is a traditionally styled gentleman's overcoat. Tailored to the exacting standards of the Scaremonger it is guaranteed to be both comfortable and practical. Packed with useful features, a man with a "Lord George" has no need of friends.

The "Lord George" features include;
  • Made from 100% recycled woolsack
  • Double cross stitching throughout
  • Extra-Deep dodgy donor pockets
  • Genuine "Getina" flap for outside pockets
  • Deterrence security pocket (negotiable)
  • Reinforced lifetime guaranteed safe-seat
  • Genuine weasel fur collar
  • Made from traditional cloth "worsted" for wear 
  • Non-working cuffs
  • Double-Faced lined pockets
  • Jaquard weave lining featuring extracts from Burns - Ye see yon birkie, ca'd a lord, Wha struts, an' stares, an' a' that; Tho' hundreds worship at his word, He's but a coof for a' that:

Available in the following colours: Future Black, Stone Dead, Outlook Grey

Orders Now Being Taken
Delivery : TBC (not guaranteed)

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

The "Indy-Monstered" Kit

Don't miss out on this Scaremonger Special Offer!

Did you feel left out when you read about your colleagues being "monstered"?

Want to convince voters and the media that you are being hounded by unknown enemies?

Not sure where to begin because in fact you are under no harassment or genuine threat at all?

The new Scaremonger "Indy-Monstered" kit contains everything you will need to convince the credulous that you are the victim of a series of vicious online and nearly physical attacks.

Each "Indy-Monstered" kit contains;

  • A lifelike "frit-face" latex mask.
  • An "I've been monstered" regulation hoodie with a large capacity "big-head" hood.
  • A set of red, white and blue Stoopster braces to pull the shoulders down into a cowering hunch.
  • A make up kit to ensure that you have the grey and haunted face of a victim.
  • A sheet of realistic 2"x4" pro-indy stickers with provocative slogans such as "Yes - 2014" to put on your door or window.
  • A professionally written press release - complete with quotes - "it's time for the Yes campaign to call off their attack dogs" and "this is the dark underside of the independence campaign".
Order "Indy-Monstered" today and claim your free twitter abuse*

*twitter abuse is guaranteed to consist of one mildly critical tweet using an abusive term such as fool, idiot or chancer. 

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

The Scaremonger Paint Range

The Scaremonger in association with world famous decorative consultant Naymor Oyal 

The "NaySayer" Paint Range

Choosing the best colours for the rooms in your home is the key in any successful decorative scheme That choice can be a challenge and especially so when you need to steer clear of  the bright, sunshine tones that can encourage dangerous domestic optimism.

Our "Naysayer" range, developed under the guidance of famed decorative consultant Naymor Oyal makes a unique spectrum of colours available which will put a scowl on the face of even the most demanding scarier.

The "Naysayer" Paint Range includes the following exciting new colours;

Black Affronted
Scotch Mist
Crushed Thistle
Lost Marble
Old Fossil
Jam Tomorrow
Volatile Petrol
Churlish Sage
London Gold
No Battleship Grey
Incandescent Brown
Straw Man
Uncertain Beige
Stormy Weather
Urban Blight
Very Pale Red
Blue Dream
Mess of Pottage 
Trench Foot
Lost Coal