Running out of insults to throw?
Invective becoming tired and ineffective?
Enemies laughing at your desperate smears?
Even the most experienced political mudslingers can find that there comes point where it just stops working. A time when no matter how deep they dig into the mud they can't think of another insult to throw. The temptation to fall back on meaningless accusation and bitter smear can become overwhelming.
Luckily for burned out smearers and scaremongers there's a new product available which can being an end to this kind of "witterers block"
The "Lamont" Dial-A-Spite Invective Prompt
The "Dial-A-Spite" is a personal device which can be worn discretely under normal clothing. Using patent-pending Torytech* technology "Dial-A-Spite" detects the moment when the invective runs out and sends a series of prompts direct to a near invisible earpiece.
Using the unique "slime-slider" control the user can preset the level of "Dial-A-Spite" invective prompt up to the recommended level of 11 to guarantee that they will never run out of ways to abuse, revile, berate, and smear.
What Dial-A-Spite Users Say
“it is the most patronising and cynical con even this government has ever come up with.”
"narrow, neo-fascism of the nationalists".
"The debate will go on in the sense there is a large number of wounded still to be bayoneted ..."
“It appears the First Minister is a liar and used taxpayers’ money to try to cover up his lies.
Alex Salmond is running the most dishonest, deceptive and disgraceful political campaign ever"
Pre-Order Special Offer
Pre-order your Lamont Dial-A-Spite today and receive a free commemorative tea-towel printed with selected quotes from Johann Lamont's remarkably bitter 2014 Scottish Labour Conference address.