Christmas Special

"Union Crackers" : A special Christmas novelty item designed to disappoint your friends and neighbours.  Each cracker contains a depressing motto (examples include "there no more oil", "the English will bomb your airports", "show us your passport" and a recycled cliche).  Each cracker also includes an edible hat (eat before end 2014).

Gardening Department Special Offer

STRAW MEN

Last few remaining in stock

These top quality "straw men" really must go.  Straw Men have been best-sellers at the Scaremongers for many years and our customers love them. Multi-purpose and crafted from top quality man-made-up fibre.   The bottom of the "Straw Man" is carefully weighted with unsold copies of the Scottish Select Committee's report on separation so you can knock your "Straw Man" Down as often as you like and he will get right back up again.

All your favourite "Straw Men" are available including old favourites such as;
"Johnny English Passport Required"
"Admiral "I see no ships" McNelson"

£25.00 each (no euros )

In our Clothing Department Now!!

'THE LAMENT' SHROUD-WAVING RANGE 
We've been making our highly sought after shrouds since 1707. Wear one of these and you'll instantly garner more unwarranted support for the unionist cause. This new line incorporates everything that any 'Bitter Together' British nationalist would want in the run-up to Salmond's break-up referendum:  

* Dull and shapeless, will suit any moribund unionist.

* Sleepwalk to the separation vote in our fetching raiment!  

* Fully biodegradable, guaranteed until autumn 2014.  

* Anas Sarwar says: "That's just not credible. I wouldn't be seen dead without one!"

* Media version available, as modelled by Alan Cochrane, Kaye Adams, Michael Kelly, Kirsty Wark, Tom Peterkin, Alf Young, Angus McLeod, Gordon Brewer, Lorraine Davidson, Magnus Gardham etc, etc. 

WAVE YOURS WITH PRIDE!!

Joke shop special - just in!

Johann Lamont's Talking Pants. Amaze your friends and baffle your debating foes with these. She's been wearing hers regularly since taking over as leader and brings the House down at FMQs every week by confounding the whole chamber with wacky policy u-turns. Gales of laughter guaranteed!

Bargain Hunter Special - Don't miss out!

Remaindered Stock - tens of thousands of unused leaflets. Freshly printed low-quality monotone leaflets printed for a "weekend of action" but never distributed.  Suitable for many alternative uses such as animal bedding, home insulation, propping up wobbly furniture, firelighters, paper hats or aeroplanes (hours of fun for kids of all ages) etc, etc, etc. The list is endless.

Home & Furniture Department - More stock added!

* Our own brand Blackout Curtains (it is for you if you vote Yes). Drawbacks included as standard.

* Fully fitted 'Caledonia' Soup Kitchens: why bother travelling to one when you can have the very latest in separatist, economic depression chic in your own home? The perfect place for large gatherings of the newly unemployed!

* Slumbertown mattresses. While away those pointless post-separation days on one of these! After the inevitable run on the banks, store what's left of your savings in the special built-in stash pocket!

Bath and Shower Essentials:

Take two questions into the shower?  No more confusion with new 2-in-1 Union Ballot Shampoo and Conditioner*.  With our 2-in-1 you can vote NO TODAY and JAM TOMORROW in one visit.

* warning - may contain pre-conditions,  may cause disappointment.

New Stock Just In!

Dinnae Dae It Yersel Department

Circular Saws : make perfect self-serving cliches
Phillip (Hammond) Screwdrivers : Got a screw loose?   You need one of these.
Hammers : for moaning Scots of all types 


Classic Radio Shows coming back soon

I.T.M.A :  starring "Scotland's funny man" Michael Forsyth. "You'll Laugh - "You'll Cry"
The Navy Lark : Where have all the ships gone? 

Family Games

"Who Dares Wins" : Can you defend your oil platform against repeated waves of unidentified enemies?  

The Army Game : Define the size, equipment and configuration of Scotland's Armed Forces in one move or less against the clock - no conferring! (rules not included)

New DVDs

Twelve Angry Men : the 2012 remake starring Ian Davidson and the Scottish Affairs Select Committee members. Just like the original except that this time the jury all agree from the start!

Try Our New Travel Agency!

Summer 2012 : 

The Scandic Frown - Copenhagen, Stockholm, Oslo and Helsinki.

A tour of some of Europes most depressed capitals. See the truth of those so-called "facts" about the health, wealth and happiness of the Scandinavian Countries. Just how much better off would these small independent countries be if they were run by someone else? It'll make you think. (Note: no refunds)