Scottish Labour Policy Machine

The Scottish Labour Policy Machine

A rare glimpse inside the heart of Scottish Labour's policy department where the daily task of selecting the tax policy of the leader ahead of the 2016 Holyrood election has been modernised with the introduction of the latest technology.

The Abstention Handbook

THE ABSTENTION HANDBOOK

Packed with useful tips and strategies the Scaremonger Abstention Handbook will help you navigate through the complex maze of issues where you might be tempted to reveal your true position on controversial policy issues.

The Abstention Handbook is available in both print and ebook editions.

Easy to read and understand, the Abstention Handbook is a crucial tool already being used daily by the leaders of the Labour Party in Westminster.

*Subscribers to the ebook edition will also receive free updates with new pages being added automatically

Labour Leadership Kit

LABOUR LEADERSHIP KIT

With nominations now closed The Scaremonger is pleased to announce that we can now supply our exclusive 

"Labour Leadership Kit" 

No would-be Labour leader will want to try and tackle this most thankless of tasks without the best possible advice and equipment. The Scaremonger "Labour Leadership Kit" includes a range of helpful items including;

• Parliamentary Invisibility Cloak
• Map of  Nowheresville and Shit Creek County
• Canoe (no paddles included)
• No picnic
• Set of Lang Spoons
• Brown Trousers
• Snakeskin Gloves
• Poison Chalice
• Pack of Cards with additional jokers
• Tin Ear
• Key to a darkened room
• Pair of incompetence pants
• A New Broom with replaceable head and handle
• A stab proof frontless vest
• Union Tie (optional)
• An unused policy forum
• Knee protectors
• Copy of the "Jim Murphy Guide to Electoral Success"
• Laminated copy of the Scottish Labour Westminster MP Group directory 

Crowd Control Pack

Crowd Control Technology

Large crowds of supporters can present political campaigners with real difficulties. Not only are the crowds colourful and liable to attract even more people to your event they can also be boisterous and distracting. 

Expert advice is clear - crowds should be just large enough to provide a colourful background but never too big. 

The Scaremonger "Crowd Control Pack" has been successfully used by numerous campaigners throughout this General Election campaign and in last years Scottish Separation  referendum. 

See the Scaremonger "Crowd Control Pack" at work in Glasgow and Edinburgh in these campaign pictures;

Crowds are maintained at the optimum level

Media management enhanced

                     

Public engagement risks minimised

Meanwhile politicians who don't use this scaremonger exclusive product risk letting their message go unheard;

Shambolic  over-engagement

SNP  Leader - Getting it all wrong.

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Simply too popular!

Red Calculator

The "Murphy" Electronic Calculator

The "Murphy" electronic calculator makes the difficult arithmetic involved in outbidding your political rivals easy. 

A carefully designed ergonomic keyboard allows speedy input of your additional 1000 pledges.

*Available in Red, Blue or whatever colour seems popular

Labour Leadership Kit-

Scottish Labour Leadership Kit

Running for Leader?     Need to impress with your leadership skills?     Desperate?

The all-new Scaremonger Scottish Labour Leadership Kit will provide you with everything you need to impress the tens of voters you'll need to secure the leadership of the Labour Party's Scottish section. 

A strictly limited edition, the Scaremonger Labour Leadership Kit comes carefully vacuum packed in a specially designed handcart style souvenir box embossed with the telephone number of the Labour HQ in London. 

Each kit includes;

• Crocodile Tear Shoes - ideal for campaign visits to busy food banks 
• Soft Soap Gift Box - smooths rough edges and difficult moments 
• "Miss Me Quip Hat" - unique sense of humour by-pass headgear
• Apology Template Slider - compose sincere apologies for every occasion
• "London Road" Knee-Pads - essential protective gear  
• Backstabber Vest - extra reinforcement across the shoulder blades
• Disloyalty Card - earn points to redeem on exclusive gifts

Order the Scottish Labour Leadership Kit today and get a free tub of  AD Vanishing Cream - "it's perfect Darling!"