A Rogues Gallery of Yes Yobs

The Scaremonger Rogues Gallery

Noam Chomsky and Joseph Stiglitz - Dialectical intimidation of John Reid who then refused to put up a No poster in his house.Shameful thuggery.

Patrick Harvie - raised his voice briefly in a debate about organic farming and independence, upsetting Nigel Farage who was watching in his local and, in shock, had to be helped home. 

Other Green Party activists - stirring yoghurts too loudly outside home of Jim Murphy, Surely this kind of unruly behaviour is a police matter?

John Swinney - even hard-bitten Deutsche Bank executives were close to tears at hard-man Swinney's vicious balancing of the Scottish budget. 

Pat Kane -  With his reckless overuse of multi-syllabic word play street fighter Kane has been bludgeoning a succession of proud patriots inside and outside TV studios across the land.

Elaine C Smith - Paid up member of the nationalist Thespian Taliban Smith has been terrorising unsuspecting audiences on stage and screen with her theatrical propaganda. No wonder union loving actors are cowering in their green rooms afraid to step into the limelight.

Brain Drain Shock!

Stop Press! - Exclusive!

Scotland's gutters will be relocated south of the border in the event of a Yes vote on Thursday revealed the pro-union "Let's Be Frightened" campaign group. 

A spokesman for "Let's Be Frightened" told the Scaremonger that as the gutters were mainly used by the London based media, pro-union campaigners based in London and the Westminster political parties it was only sensible that they be relocated in the event of a Yes vote.

"This is not scaremongering but a sensible reaction to the pathological authoritarianism of Pol Pot wannabe Alex Salmond and his cybernat army of SNP shock-troops who have plans to round up everyone and make them eat out-of-date Stornoway Black Pudding and drink pond water." said the spokesman.

No one from the Yes campaign was asked to comment so it must be true.

The "No-Plan" Seven Day Diet

The “No-Plan” one week diet of scares

A seven day scaremonger plan that will have the pounds falling away!

1.       Come Clean Alex!  No soap in indy-Scotland say experts.  With no indigenous large scale soap industry cottage craft soap makers will be unable to meet demand after border controls imposed.

2.       Tolled Off! – John Swinney has a secret plan to re-impose bridge tolls on Forth and Tay after a Yes vote to punish Gordon Brown.

3.       Rock Bottom! – Salmond distraught as Kylie fails to join Yes campaign.

4.       Call Me Paddy! -  Green leader Patrick Harvie promises brown rice will replace chips as Scots staple after Yes.

5.       Cuffing Hell! – Shock for Scots coppers as it is revealed that their handcuffs rely on “English” keys.

6.       Hopping Mad! – Patriotic Kent farmers will refuse to sell to Scots brewers if “crazy” Salmond gets currency union.   

7.       Tipping Point! – British scientists believe that Scotland will be drained of water as weight of economic refugees to England causes geological shift.

The "Murphy" Tin Ear

The "Murphy" Tin Ear

Perfect for open air meetings, the "Tin Ear" utilises the latest  "torytech"  advanced software to ensure that the wearer can only hear approved or "safe" questions.

Compatible with existing "Brass Neck"  subscriptions.

Limited stock

"BellyFire" - Brain Fuel for Scary Speakers

A recipe as old as fear itself.

If you have a idea that's hard to defend.

If the facts leave you on a "sticky wicket".

If the sight and sound of you speaking makes listeners and watchers worry about your health.

If even your friends find it hard to say nice things about you.

If you just need help.

"BellyFire"  is a Highland themed liquor which guarantees you have plenty of the sparky verbal aggression and deflective shoutiness  which ensures that reasoned argument will never be required.

A secret handed down from generation to generation the recipe for "BellyFire" is kept safely under lock and key in a Highland  "But 'n Ben" styled safety deposit box in London.

Distilled from pure hogwash, local - just like Scottish - authentic tap water, and refined British schmaltz "BellyFire" gives even the most lacklustre speaker the power to dissemble for Britain!

100% unnatural flavourings provide the unique flavours of "BellyFire". Rare herbs and aromatic plants  are sourced from across the wastelands of Scotland for use in the secret "BellyFire" process.

Traditional herbs and little known plants such as Dog Whistle,  Snakeshead, Blue Weed, Nodding Thistles, Slippery Elm, Donkey Ear, Devils Eyebrows, Brassy Farthing and Slippery Nothing are carefully gathered by our bused in paid volunteers and the extracts carefully utilised to provide the distinctive flavours of "BellyFire".

Exclusive - "BellyFire"  Highland themed liquor is available only from the Scottish Scaremonger.

Limited stock - order today to avoid disappointment.

Health and Fitness Special Offer - Run On The Bank!

RUN ON THE BANK!

With so much talk of economic meltdown and currency crisis after a Yes vote you won't want to miss the opportunity to combine keeping fit with securing the pound in your pocket.

These exclusive "Run On The Bank" cross trainers will help you step up to the challenge of keeping your precious pounds safe and staying healthy.

A stylish "I'm alright (Union) Jack" design will get you noticed by the frantic crowds at the cash machine while you make off briskly with your valuable pounds.

Order your exclusive Scaremonger "Run On The Bank" trainers today and get a head start!

Commonwealth Games Special

Scary Sports Day

A Scaremonger day out for all the family

Special independence referendum themed sporting events

Great prizes on offer 

Planned events include;

• The Rory Stewart 75 mile wall walk 
• Asymmetrical Power Bars
• Straw Man Challenge
• The Jam Tomorrow Steeplechase (obstacles sponsored by the House of Lords)
• Slippery Lipstick on a Pig Wrestling
• Insurmountable Hurdles 
• Mud Slinging
• 20m Leap in the Dark
• 100m Dash for Shale Gas
• 4x100m Rely on subsidies from England

Sign up today and claim a special "twin-face" saltire/union flag t-shirt.