The Poll-A-Rater

Fed up of commissioning opinion polls which come back with the “wrong” results?

Need a helpful opinion poll result to back up your scare stories?

Are your voters losing their fear of change?

You need our new “Poll-A-Rater”!

The “Poll-A-Rater” can deliver worrying data – instantly. Now you can have confidence shaking results designed to match your requirements. We use a series of carefully designed statistical weighting algorithms to ensure that you get the results you need.

With the “Poll-A-Rater” you’ll be able to back up your unsubstantiated falsehoods with apparently supportive data – reams of it!

You’ll be able to;

· confirm high levels of concern over imaginary problems

· detect low levels of confidence in the answers to unanswerable questions

· create hypothetical fears over tendentious propositions

· combine small worries into single overwhelming terrors

The“Poll-A-Rater” also comes complete with lots of complex tables which will help prove that your conclusions are fully supported by the data – whatever they are!

You can also upgrade to the Black is White executive package get even more misleading answers to the questions no one is asking.

Safety Equipment

 

The “Cochers” Positivity+ Meter

Instantly detects dangerous levels of positivity

Operates blindly across a range of positive indicators

Unique “Banshee” warning system

Early warning of these deadly types of positivity;

• Optimism
• Confidence
• Certainty
• Enthusiasm
• Trust
• Idealism
• Hopefulness
• Buoyancy

…and many, many more.

The “Cochers”Positivity +Meter will alert you to the presence of many of the most common types of hopeful anticipation allowing rapid counter measures to be put in place.

The “Cochers”Positivity +Meter combines the traditional skills of the artisan doomsayer with the latest new technology create a device that could prevent unnecessary positivism in the workplace or home.

“Where there is Hope, may we bring Despair”