Sarwar's Almanac 2013 : credible predictions for the year ahead

* The No campaign will co-opt the Mayan elders as campaign advisers - their invaluable experience in doom-laden predictions will dovetail perfectly with our own balanced view of the dangers of Separation.

* The spirit of Nostradamus combined with the sage advice of UK Treasury mandarins will provide peer-reviewed evidence that Scotland's economy will immediately collapse and its people be condemned to eternal penury in the case of a Yes vote in 2014.

* The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will be employed for Better Together leaflet delivery (with a contract extension option for post-vote retribution).