The "Lamont" OverSpeaker Bullhorn

Tired of the endless "back-and-forth" of normal debating?
 
Think old fashioned Q&A formats have had their day?
 
Big fan of Phil Spector and his "Wall of Noise"?
 
You need our exclusive Scaremonger  "Lamont" Debaters OverSpeaker  Bullhorn!
 
This useful handheld device will ensure that you can turn any discussion into a post-modern cacophony of unintelligible droning. Your opponents may know what's going on but others will only hear your unfocused wailing. An essential debating tool when under pressure.
 
The OverSpeaker  has arange of hi-tech features including;

One-click On-and-On button
"Full-On" one way Volume Control
"ToryTech" replicator loop system
"Out-of-Touch trackpad

As seen on TV !

"Astonishing" - "I'm Astonished" - "Astonishingly astonishing"
 
Order your OverSpeaker  today to ensure disappointment!

Scaremonger Opinion Poll

The Scaremonger Exclusive Opinion Poll

We are delighted to announce the launch of the first official  Scaremonger opinion poll. 

We know people are scared, but just how scared are they? Are they as scared as they should be? Or as scared as they could be?  Is there yet room to raise the fright bar a little higher.

You can cast your vote now in this scientifically based poll using the simple form on this page. The results of our exclusve poll will provide the definitive answer to the question that stalks the land;

How Scared Are You?

The poll will close at midnight on the 17th September and the complete results will be available shortly after.

The Big Book of Scares

A new edition of our ever popular manual of indy scares

More than 100 everyday scares to give your friends and family the fright of their lives.

Each scare laid out in an easy-to-misunderstand  format.

Totally bogus statistics included to support each scare.

Supportive quotes from "independent" academics.

Features the following infamous scares;

• rUk will bomb your airports!
• you'll be forced to join the Euro!
• mobile calls will cost more!
• you'll be flooded with immigrants!
• nobody will want to move here!
• everyone will leave!
• your pension will be shredded!
• the pandas will be recalled to China!
• you'll need a passport to visit England!
• it'll be an open door for immigrants to England!
• you'll be forced out of the EU!
• you'll be forced into the EU!
• there's no oil left!
• it doesn't belong to you anyway!
• Shetland will stay in UK!
• Shetland will declare independence!
• the Russians will steal all your fish!
• the Spanish will steal all your fish!
• you'll have to pay for a new Trident base in rUK!
• rUK will annexe Faslane!
• banks will flee!
• banks will stay and exploit poor regulation!
• universities will close!
• universities will be swamped rUK fee refugees!
• you'll be forced to charge university fees!
• no one will buy your surplus renewable energy!
• you'll have to buy nuclear generated energy from England!
• you won't have the pound!
• and many, many more!

The Big Book of Scares is an essential guide to the key independence debates and how to turn any discussion into a "stairhead rammy".

Demand is sure to be very high so be sure to pre-order today!

House of Lords Menu Cards

A new series of helpful menu suggestions for busy Lords and Ladies.

Based on the latest House of Lords restaurant menus these innovative menus will "elevate" you to new culinary heights.

No. 1

Starter: Thrawn Cocktail

Main course: Thin gruel.

Dessert: Humble Pie

No.2

Starter: Browned Off Windsor Soup

Main Course: Chump Steak

Dessert: Crab-Apple Dumplings

No.3

Starter: Old goat's cheese puffed up pie

Main course: Anes Ragout (Earl Haig's favourite) with extra gravy.

Dessert: Stuck-up toffy pudding

All the menu suggestion cards are presented on genuine vellum and have full recipe details on the reverse.

Separation Shield: An Open Letter to our Customers

Dear Valued Customer,

Stay-Feart! - The hi-tech "Separation Shield© ® ™

Tired of dealing with unwanted convincing arguments in favour of Independence?

Fed up with the carping of Common Weal backers, the whining of Wings Over Scotland sympathisers and the nattish nonsense of Newsnet Scotland?

Then the Scaremonger has the perfect solution for your home or business: Separation-Shield © ® ™. In the vanguard of nat-busting technology, our Separation-Shield © ® ™ will turn you (or, for our MSM clients, your viewers/readers) from a scaredy cat

into a cool cat.

Only small minded separatists and weak, undecided voters need suffer the continued psychological trauma of reading cogent, thoughtful contributions about a bright future for Scotland as a normal, independent country. Your preconceived notions about the mysterious yet self-evident certainties of Union are safeguarded. You will be fully protected by Separation-Shield © ® ™ as it quietly and efficiently expurgates the dangerous YES+ thought-virus.

By expertly filtering out all pro-separatist comment those anti-unionist blues will be banished forever. You can rest assured that all you will ever see or hear on the internet, be it in media platforms or in your email inbox, is pure, unadulterated, Westminster approved vacuity, as delivered by respected, captivating public speakers such as Alistair 'D-List' Darling or Gordon 'Zzzzz list' Brown.

Embrace Enervation, Snuggle up to Stagnation, Reject Reason. Our Separation-Shield © ® ™ is available now. Get it before it's too late!!

Yours in fear,

The Scaremonger

Currency Converter

An end to currency confusion!

Currency conversion made quick and easy!

The new "Anglo-Scot" currency converter from the Scottish Scaremonger Home and Office range makes calculating conversion rates from Scottish to rUk currency easy.

Simply input the amount of Scottish currency into the "Anglo-Scot" converter and by utilising our unique state of the art, patent-pending, "torytech" based solution the amount in rUK pounds sterling is displayed - instantly!

Example:  Input the required amount for conversion e.g. £20.00 (Scottish) and press the "convert me" button. The rUK conversion is instantly displayed £20.00.

The "Anglo-Scott" Currency Converter is available in Desk, Pocket and Credit Card size models  and also as an "app" for your smart phone or tablet.


Price: to be confirmed

2014 Desk Calendar - cancelled

Please note that the special edition 2014 "Page-a-Day" Desk Calendar has had to be cancelled.

The Calendar was to have featured a positive argument for the Union on each page but unfortunately the writing team failed to get beyond the first week of January.

We are hoping to substitute a commemorative first day cover postage stamp but are awaiting further copy for the reverse of the stamp before proceeding.