Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Pop Up Patsy

A Great New Family Game

Hours of fun for all!
Who will make the patsy pop up out of the bottom of the barrel?

"Patsy" is hiding at the bottom of the barrel. Can you make "Patsy" jump out into the open? Players take turns  to push rolled up copies of the Daily Record into the barrel to make ""Patsy" jump. The winner gets to wear a genuine plastic Deputy badge and take messages from the real bosses in London.


Saturday, 25 October 2014

"Local Leader" Crown of Thorns

Labour Leadership Special!

Back in Stock - 
The Scaremonger special Labour-Local-Leader 
ceremonial headband

Made from 100% twisted facts
Multiple "genuine" pricks for that pained expression
Optional "nuts" and "barking mad" decorations
Available in Nut-Brown or Lily-Livered White

Order today and get a special "martyrs goonie" absolutely free!

*Labour-Local-Leader operating instructions are available to download from our London office

Thursday, 16 October 2014

Create-A-Debate Kit

The Scaremonger "Create-A-Debate" Kit

  • Self Important?
  • Pompous?
  • Got nothing to say but want to say it at great length?
  • Personal profile needing raised?
The Scaremonger "Create-A-Debate" kit is designed to help people whose personal or public profile has declined in relevance and reputation. When the bairns stop laughing at you in the street and ex-President stops ringing you'll need to act decisively to restore your place in the media spotlight. That's where the Scaremonger "Create-A-Debate" kit comes in. 

Each "Create-A-Debate" kit contains everything you'll need to arrange a pointless but high profile event which will propel you back into the limelight. The kit includes;

  • A "Don't You Know Who I Am" badge
  • Contact details for malleable and lazy newspaper/television journalists who'll print any old rubbish to fill a page or two minutes of screen time.
  • Booking details for an appropriately "impressive" venue ( available venues include Parliamentary Chambers, PLC canteens  and Miners Welfare Clubs)
  • A range of template speeches ranging from "incoherently passionate and angry" to "confusingly angry and betrayed"
Our satisfied customers are already dominating the headlines in the newspapers and on television. "It's been amazing!" says G.B. "I'd never have thought it would be so easy to get acres of coverage and nobody ever asks a difficult question. I've already recommended the Scaremonger "Create-A-Debate" to all the world leaders I know very well".  

Order "Create-A-Debate" today and get a free "I'm Back!" A2 laminated poster.

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Don't Miss The Scaremonger Stock Clearance!



With a UK General Election and a possible EU In-Out Referendum just around the corner the Scottish Scaremonger need to make room for exciting new ranges of frights and scares to provide our renowned levels of service to both existing and new customers across this "family of cowering nations".

The Scaremonger Clearance Sale offers you the chance to pick up top quality scares at rock-bottom prices. Of course stocks will be limited, demand strong and filled on a "first come first served" basis so please order soon to avoid disappointment.

Clearance Offers Include;

"Secret" Dossiers: Beautifully presented "secret" dossiers. Each dossier comes with dramatic "Top Secret" stamps, unflattering black and white photos of a Scottish Cabinet Minister and carefully redacted reports. Other pages are blank for your own content.

North Sea Oil Reserve Estimates: A range of authoritative estimates with options from "gloomy" to "despairing". The report can be combined with our customisable  "barrel price" product for even greater depressive effect.

Supermarket Till Receipts: Ideal for kids! Playing at shops has never been so scary. Watch the kids faces fall when they see how much milk costs in Ireland!

Head Office Relocation Kits: Each kit contains one brass plate with four screws together with a solicitors letter. 

Border Posts: Fully non-realistic border posts complete with fictional guards and imaginary passport officials.