Thursday, 27 February 2014

The "Lamont" OverSpeaker Bullhorn

Tired of the endless "back-and-forth" of normal debating?
Think old fashioned Q&A formats have had their day?
Big fan of Phil Spector and his "Wall of Noise"?
You need our exclusive Scaremonger  "Lamont" Debaters OverSpeaker  Bullhorn!
This useful handheld device will ensure that you can turn any discussion into a post-modern cacophony of unintelligible droning. Your opponents may know what's going on but others will only hear your unfocused wailing. An essential debating tool when under pressure.
The OverSpeaker  has arange of hi-tech features including;

One-click On-and-On button
"Full-On" one way Volume Control
"ToryTech" replicator loop system
"Out-of-Touch trackpad

As seen on TV !

"Astonishing" - "I'm Astonished" - "Astonishingly astonishing"
Order your OverSpeaker  today to ensure disappointment!

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Scaremonger Opinion Poll

The Scaremonger Exclusive Opinion Poll

We are delighted to announce the launch of the first official  Scaremonger opinion poll. 

We know people are scared, but just how scared are they? Are they as scared as they should be? Or as scared as they could be?  Is there yet room to raise the fright bar a little higher.

You can cast your vote now in this scientifically based poll using the simple form on this page. The results of our exclusve poll will provide the definitive answer to the question that stalks the land;

How Scared Are You?

The poll will close at midnight on the 17th September and the complete results will be available shortly after.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

The Big Book of Scares

A new edition of our ever popular manual of indy scares

More than 100 everyday scares to give your friends and family the fright of their lives.

Each scare laid out in an easy-to-misunderstand  format.

Totally bogus statistics included to support each scare.

Supportive quotes from "independent" academics.

Features the following infamous scares;

  • rUk will bomb your airports!
  • you'll be forced to join the Euro!
  • mobile calls will cost more!
  • you'll be flooded with immigrants!
  • nobody will want to move here!
  • everyone will leave!
  • your pension will be shredded!
  • the pandas will be recalled to China!
  • you'll need a passport to visit England!
  • it'll be an open door for immigrants to England!
  • you'll be forced out of the EU!
  • you'll be forced into the EU!
  • there's no oil left!
  • it doesn't belong to you anyway!
  • Shetland will stay in UK!
  • Shetland will declare independence!
  • the Russians will steal all your fish!
  • the Spanish will steal all your fish!
  • you'll have to pay for a new Trident base in rUK!
  • rUK will annexe Faslane!
  • banks will flee!
  • banks will stay and exploit poor regulation!
  • universities will close!
  • universities will be swamped rUK fee refugees!
  • you'll be forced to charge university fees!
  • no one will buy your surplus renewable energy!
  • you'll have to buy nuclear generated energy from England!
  • you won't have the pound!
  • and many, many more!

The Big Book of Scares is an essential guide to the key independence debates and how to turn any discussion into a "stairhead rammy".

Demand is sure to be very high so be sure to pre-order today!

Monday, 3 February 2014

House of Lords Menu Cards

A new series of helpful menu suggestions for busy Lords and Ladies.

Based on the latest House of Lords restaurant menus these innovative menus will "elevate" you to new culinary heights.

No. 1

Starter: Thrawn Cocktail

Main course: Thin gruel.

Dessert: Humble Pie


Starter: Browned Off Windsor Soup

Main Course: Chump Steak

Dessert: Crab-Apple Dumplings


Starter: Old goat's cheese puffed up pie

Main course: Anes Ragout (Earl Haig's favourite) with extra gravy.

Dessert: Stuck-up toffy pudding

All the menu suggestion cards are presented on genuine vellum and have full recipe details on the reverse.