Thursday, 12 September 2013
Fed up of commissioning opinion polls which come back with the “wrong” results?
Need a helpful opinion poll result to back up your scare stories?
Are your voters losing their fear of change?
You need our new “Poll-A-Rater”!
The “Poll-A-Rater” can deliver worrying data – instantly. Now you can have confidence shaking results designed to match your requirements. We use a series of carefully designed statistical weighting algorithms to ensure that you get the results you need.
With the “Poll-A-Rater” you’ll be able to back up your unsubstantiated falsehoods with apparently supportive data – reams of it!
You’ll be able to;
· confirm high levels of concern over imaginary problems
· detect low levels of confidence in the answers to unanswerable questions
· create hypothetical fears over tendentious propositions
· combine small worries into single overwhelming terrors
The“Poll-A-Rater” also comes complete with lots of complex tables which will help prove that your conclusions are fully supported by the data – whatever they are!
You can also upgrade to the Black is White executive package get even more misleading answers to the questions no one is asking.
Friday, 6 September 2013
The “Cochers” Positivity+ Meter
Instantly detects dangerous levels of positivity
Operates blindly across a range of positive indicators
Unique “Banshee” warning system
Early warning of these deadly types of positivity;
…and many, many more.
The “Cochers”Positivity +Meter will alert you to the presence of many of the most common types of hopeful anticipation allowing rapid counter measures to be put in place.
The “Cochers”Positivity +Meter combines the traditional skills of the artisan doomsayer with the latest new technology create a device that could prevent unnecessary positivism in the workplace or home.
“Where there is Hope, may we bring Despair”