Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Gardening Department Special Offer


Last few remaining in stock

These top quality "straw men" really must go.  Straw Men have been best-sellers at the Scaremongers for many years and our customers love them. Multi-purpose and crafted from top quality man-made-up fibre.   The bottom of the "Straw Man" is carefully weighted with unsold copies of the Scottish Select Committee's report on separation so you can knock your "Straw Man" Down as often as you like and he will get right back up again.

All your favourite "Straw Men" are available including old favourites such as;
"Johnny English Passport Required"
"Admiral "I see no ships" McNelson"

£25.00 each (no euros )

Saturday, 27 October 2012

In our Clothing Department Now!!

We've been making our highly sought after shrouds since 1707. Wear one of these and you'll instantly garner more unwarranted support for the unionist cause. This new line incorporates everything that any 'Bitter Together' British nationalist would want in the run-up to Salmond's break-up referendum:  

* Dull and shapeless, will suit any moribund unionist.

* Sleepwalk to the separation vote in our fetching raiment!  

* Fully biodegradable, guaranteed until autumn 2014.  

* Anas Sarwar says: "That's just not credible. I wouldn't be seen dead without one!"

* Media version available, as modelled by Alan Cochrane, Kaye Adams, Michael Kelly, Kirsty Wark, Tom Peterkin, Alf Young, Angus McLeod, Gordon Brewer, Lorraine Davidson, Magnus Gardham etc, etc.